


For Better or Worse

by ackermom



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Reibert Week 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-27 09:58:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7613674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackermom/pseuds/ackermom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He aches; he wishes they could sit there at the edge of the cliff and watch the valley and not say or feel anything. But there is an urgency in the way the sun rises, as if it is calling him, reminding him of the things he wants to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Better or Worse

Sunrise finds them in the bluffs.

Bertholdt wakes slowly, like moving from one dream to another. He squints into the daylight. His eyes are heavy, and in that quiet moment he wants nothing more than to roll over and bury his face in his blanket and fall back asleep. But the sun beckons. Yellow light streams through the open flap of the tent, and before long, he’s awake, rubbing his eyes as he sits up and surveys the morning. There’s a ruffled blanket beside him, an empty space, and outside he can hear low, yawning voices as the others emerge from their tents. He tugs his jacket on and crawls outside.

Someone is stomping out the fire. The other recruits are hustling around the campsite, waking their comrades, rolling up empty tents, and sharing a meager breakfast of rations. They move in circles like ants, eager to finish the journey back to base camp. This training mission had worn them all out. Bertholdt stops, watching them. He glances out across the cliff sides, a hand over his brow to shield his eyes from the sun, and he spies the lone figure he’s looking for sitting at the edge of the far cliff. There.

When he approaches, Reiner hardly looks up. He recognizes those dusty footsteps and the heavy, hesitant way Bertholdt lingers behind him. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Reiner says.

Bertholdt thinks of the empty tent that woke him, the cold blanket cast aside. He thinks of how many times he’s said the same thing, how many times he’s stuck off to be alone just like this, how many time he’s lost himself in the same overwhelming thoughts. But it strikes him how different this is, here and now: how different Reiner’s loneliness is to his own. He says nothing, just waits. On most days, he would know what to expect and he would know what to say. Perhaps it’s the sunrise, the way it looms over him like a great eye in the sky, but today is different and uncomfortable and he doesn’t know what to do.

“I think I was dreaming,” Reiner says. He seems restless; his hands fidget as he sits there, his legs drawn up against his chest. But his voice is low and pensive, his gaze distant. He stares out at the valley. Bertholdt thought he might find Reiner wide-eyed and frantic; panic would have been easy to temper. But this is something else- something he doesn’t quite entirely understand- and he doesn’t know what to do. Is there anything he can do, besides wait?

“I don’t remember what it was about,” Reiner continues. “That’s the way it is with dreams, isn’t it? It felt so real when it was happening. I thought I was there, living that moment. But as soon as I woke up, it was gone.

“But you were there,” he says. “I remember that much. I could feel you there beside him, and there was someone else too, someone I don’t think I recognized. I don’t know what we were doing or where we were. It was all green and dark. I think we were going somewhere.”

He trails off. From behind, Bertholdt can only see the way his shoulders sag and how he turns his head down to look beneath the cliffs. But he can imagine Reiner’s face: his brow furrowed, his eyes narrowed as he thinks, lost in the distant remnants of a forgotten dream. Bertholdt hesitates a moment. He aches; he wishes they could sit there at the edge of the cliff and watch the valley and not say or feel anything. But there is an urgency in the way the sun rises, as if it is calling him, reminding him of the things he wants to forget.

“We’re leaving soon,” Bertholdt says. “We need to pack up our tent.”

He doesn’t ask what he really wants to know, and he’s not sure if he would get the answer he wants to hear. He doesn’t even know what he wants to hear, other than something dumb and simple:  _everything is going to be okay_  or  _we’ll figure it out together_. At some point, none of that matters.

Reiner stands, brushing dust from his uniform. He lingers for a moment at the edge of the cliff, then turns and crosses back to Bertholdt, his head down. When he looks up, Bertholdt meets his eyes. He doesn’t recognize the person he sees.

“I miss the mountains,” Reiner says as he starts back towards the campsite. “Wouldn’t it be nice to go home?”

“Of course,” is all Bertholdt says, but in his mind he adds  _only with you_.

 


End file.
